Here we go - the first installment of Pack Wars! Come to think of it, I kinda like the title "Battle Blaster" better. And Rule 1 of Pack Wars Battle Blasters is that capriciousness and whims are the order of the day. On with the show...

Battle #1
Pack 1 vs. Pack 2

I liked in better back in 2009, when Topps would put different players on the front of packs. This time, we just have ten Albert Pujolses battling each other. Here we have Albert I vs. Albert II

Albert I
J.J. Hardy (+1) (Orioles)
Dan Haren
Grant Balfour (+3)
Phil Niekro Mound Dominance insert
Albert Pujols Career Day insert
Chase Utley (+1 for sliding/diving headfirst - a.k.a. the Pete Rose bonus)
Alex Gonzalez
Chris Johnson (-1) (Astros)

Total score: 4

One pack in, and I've already shown my capriciousness. I've decided to award Grant Balfour an extra point for wearing the gold A's jersey, and another point for being an Aussie. I can't believe I didn't include that as a category. It is so forever enshrined, and I'll be updating the official scoring system

Albert II
Gaby Sanchez
Brett Gardner (-1) (Yankees)
Wade Miley
Andruw Jones (+1) (Gold) (-1) Yankees = A big, fat zero
Cliff Lee
Zack Cozart (+2)
Robert Andino (+1) (Orioles)
Gerardo Parra

Total score: 3

Zack Cozart gets one point for being a Red, and a bonus point for being one of my favorite Reds. As the cliche goes, "he plays the game the right way." Still, it's not enough - Battle #1 goes to Albert I! It's the leader in the clubhouse, but something tells me 4 points isn't going to hold up. Shall we have another battle? Sounds good!

Battle #2
Albert III vs. Albert IV

Albert III
Nick Swisher (-1) (Yankees)
Buster Posey (+1) (Orange uniform)
Dan Uggla - not even the base card, the checklist
Ty Cobb Gold Standard insert (-1 for being a horrible human being)
Ken Griffey Jr. 1987 mini (+8)
Carlos Quentin (+1 for the smirk on his face)
Mark Ellis
Frank Francisco (+1 for having the same first and last name)

Total score: 9

Not even having both a smug Yankee outfielder and an unrepentant racist can hold this pack down! Not when there's the coolest insert card in the set! To be honest, I had no idea that Series 2 '87 mini cards featured retired players. And when I was creating the scoring system, I had forgotten that Junior and Topps had kissed and made up, and that he was now featured in 2012 Topps. Since my other PCs get two points, I figure Griffey is worth double because he's retired. Along those same lines, I doubled the '87 mini bonus, too. That's how I got 8 points. See, it's not completely random.

The bonus points for Carlos Quentin and Frank Francisco, well, yeah, that is pretty random.

Albert IV
Rafael Furcal
Gio Gonzalez (+1 for being a part of the Nationals all-conquering rotation)
Charlie Furbush (+1) (Mariners)
Ozzie Smith Golden Moments insert
Domonic Brown Gold Futures insert (+1)
Chris Carpenter
Tim Lincecum (+2)
Carlos Pena

Total Score: 5

Who packed this pack, Tony LaRussa? The last time I saw this many Cardinals in one place was the NL All-Star team. That reminds me - fair warning: if I see LaRussa's mug pop up I'm going to give him -10 points for the way he treated Johnny Cueto and Brandon Phillips. I resisted the urge to give Charlie Furbush a bonus point for his vaguely obscene last name. That kind of stuff shouldn't be celebrated.

Poor Albert IV. That score would have won Battle #1, but it had the bad luck to go up against Mini Griffey. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. A strong score by Albert III, will it hold up against six more packs? All will be revealed...tomorrow!